He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
