Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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