I feel great
I just peed on a car
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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