WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
