the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
