this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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