So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
