put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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