the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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