I look better un-naked...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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