I didn't shave. On purpose
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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