We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
