I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
