I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
