If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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