cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
