According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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