Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
