he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
