you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I stole a fireplace last night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
