Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
