Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
