he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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