Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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