We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
