Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
