I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
