I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
