Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
