Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So. Much. Porn.
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