Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm so fucking centered right now
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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