You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
