Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
