I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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