He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
