My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That was an excessively violent trivia night
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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