After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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