he thought i was a dude.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
