i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
