I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
