I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
