So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
