after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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