Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
