I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
