I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
