I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
