great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
