I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
