Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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