Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
