2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
